Who are you? What do you stand for? Many of us know about values through our companies – the list that is up on the wall that reflects the true culture of the organisation (or quite often doesn’t!).
Our personal values are often learned initially from our parents but over time, how we make decisions in our life, how we live the life we choose, how we get our needs met, are all founded in our Personal Values. These are not defined by what we ‘should do’ but by the behaviours and choices we make. When we try to identify our values, therefore, they need to be congruent with our daily actions and reactions. Our values are intrinsically tied to our Identity. Many leaders have not done this exercise yet, but it is so valuable, particularly when people are thinking about the type of work and life that will make them happiest and help them be at their best.
For example, if I work as a teacher, and three of my most important values are autonomy, achievement and learning/education, then I may get two of my values met but not my first. (It is important that they are prioritised.) The regulatory and inspected nature of teaching these days, including long hours of preparation, marking and report writing, and working into nights and weekends to meet these needs, is not very ‘free’ i.e. autonomous. Whereas, if I focus on adult learning and development and start my own business, which gives me challenge, independence and freedom, then all 3 values get met.
It is also clear that values change over time as our lives evolve. If a person has ambition high up on the list, the birth of a child or the loss of a loved one can affect the importance of this as a priority in their life. This is the point when an Identity crisis can kick in because we are forced to question what is important/what we value now that something has changed. The best way to check our congruence with our values is also to reflect on the actions we take. If we say Health and wellbeing are high on our list but we eat badly, barely move, and don’t look after ourselves, then this is a clear indicator it the value is a ‘should’ not actually ‘mine’.
There are two ways to explore this. You could use a current list (see attached sheet Personal Values) so that you understand what you are trying to achieve. But, if you have time, then a slightly longer approach would be for you to make a list of personal values that use your own language rather than someone else’s. They should embed in a deeper way as a result. (See the attached Discovering Your Core Values sheet.) Either way, it is an exercise worth doing so you can start to check whether you live your life through your values.
This is a great exercise for teams, for families and for organisations to do, to understand what sits at the root of someone’s behaviour, as many of us believe other people think like us – which of course they don’t! So, when we see a behaviour that we don’t understand, it can help us to know that it may be tied to a personal value that is different to our own. It is also a great start for thinking about the life you want to live. When our personal values are met at work, at home and in life, we become fulfilled in a unique way: a feeling of flow happens where our deeper core needs are being met, and our unique brilliance can flourish.
“As you live your values, your sense of identity, integrity, control, and inner-directedness will infuse you with both exhilaration and peace.”
Stephen Covey
