EVOLVE · ALL

Personality in Captivity

by Nikki Watkins

You’ve risen a little later than usual this morning and had a quiet tea in your own kitchen. No daily commute waits for you – you just need to make your way to your desk or table and sit down. The house is quiet. The street is quiet. Even the skies are eerily quiet. You look at your schedule for the day – you have a couple of Zoom meetings later on but otherwise you will be working solo, with nothing but your own thoughts to keep you company.

Maybe you’ll get out the house at some point today, for a dog walk, or a solitary run. You may get the chance to speak to people you pass, but always from a safe distance and never for too long.

Tonight, you will eat dinner alone/with your spouse or partner and/or children/other family members, and it’s likely that another night of TV awaits you, or maybe some reading if the kids are hogging the remote.

And then you go to bed and in the morning, you’ll do it all again. And again. The same quiet, the same faces, the same routine. Another day in the current reality of social isolation stretches ahead of you – what do you feel?

If you’re an introvert, like my sister and many clients, this sounds like utter bliss. No distractions, no noisy people, no packed commuter train or hustle and bustle of the city, social interactions being scheduled and time-limited, no invitations for social events to deliberate over (Do I have enough energy to cope with another night out?). No – just quiet days and peaceful evenings with those closest to you.

If you’re an extravert like me, however, you’re trapped in a nightmarish personal version of Dante’s Inferno or Virgil’s Tartarus (only a lot quieter) – this is your living hell.

Extraverts thrive on social interactions and the busyness of the world. We have multiple friends and a full social diary. We love to talk – with anyone and everyone. We are at our best when we are externally stimulated, bringing our high energy, and getting more energy back from the people around us. We like meetings, brainstorming sessions, spontaneous interactions.

I need external stimulation in order to get my brain working. A coffee shop (or wine bar) is the ideal place for me to work; it is noisy, I can communicate with others where I choose, but I won’t get interrupted (and I can reward myself at the end for getting my work done if I chose the wine bar. 😊) That is the reality of being me and having a preference for extraversion.

So, the thought of isolation with the same people around me, lack of variety of experiences, and spending lots of time in my own company, is not filling me with complete joy if I am honest.

However, if I had a preference for introversion then the time, space and silence created by this “new way of working” might be filling me with delight and possibility, making me more productive and giving me an opportunity to excel and thrive where the extraverts struggle. It’s providing a very different experience to the one of over-communicating, high socially-skilled, interrupting extraverted people who seem to dominate in organisations.

The final group I should mention are the ambiverts. They fall somewhere along the spectrum; they will definitely value quiet thinking time, but will also need human interactions, conversations and an opportunity for expression. Their preference will be contextual, so you may not even recognise they are ‘both’.

My clients this week are talking about their own experiences, and how they can lead their people effectively. Recognising their own personality is also helping them to build in strategies to help themselves. One client has done some amazing things over the last couple of weeks, which they have already learned from: Daily 30-minute Zoom updates with around 300 people online; people teaching each other – Yoga and biscuit-baking; and the sharing of personal stories and perspectives, as well as open forums for questions.

They have also realised that the intensity of Zoom/web conferences means that some people find them exhausting, so they can’t overdo that. What is key, is finding a balance – one that provides for all personality types – enabling extraverts to stay sane and ensuring introverts aren’t overwhelmed.

Tips for supporting Extraverts and Extraverting Ambiverts:

Mix up activities to keep them stimulated: team meetings and 1:1s on video, calls, written communications, voice messages, recommend TED talks to watch etc.
Remember to make small talk – ask how they are doing, remember family names and ask specific questions designed to help them express themselves and their feelings.
Encourage them to check in with each other, take a free online assessment and have a conversation about it as a team – this will be valuable learning anyway.
Keep conversations varied – don’t just focus on goal accomplishment but consider using the opportunity to have development conversations; now is a great time to learn.
Consider taking it in turns to put on a group learning event – where you teach each other a skill or run a class – yoga or cooking perhaps.

Tips for supporting Introverts and Introverting Ambiverts:

Mix up activities to stop them being over-stimulated. Use phone calls and written communication rather than always meeting on video.
Allow processing time; send preparation questions before meetings to enable their great contributions and encourage follow-up after meetings.
Manage group meetings effectively. Tell people you will be coming to each of them in turn and enable people to “pass” the first time if they need more thinking time. (Nancy Kline’s book Time to Think is a great read about how to increase collective intelligence by this method).
Ask them how they are feeling – and make time for more personal connection. Do ensure you allow them time to answer, and don’t probe too deeply: they may not feel comfortable sharing too much.
As with extraverts, you need to vary the content of your interactions and make use of this time to have development conversations. Introverts will love this opportunity to self-reflect and learn.

Nikki Watkins

“It is in solitude that we discover that being is more important than having and that we are worth more than the results of our efforts. In solitude, we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended but a gift to be shared.”
Henry Nouwen (Dutch Catholic priest, professor, writer and theologian)

This article was first published on Nikki’s LinkedIn page on March 27th 2020.

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